A thank-you to the person who loved me first,
You, sir, had one hell of a job. I am not always the easiest individual to hold on to, and you gave it your best shot. You weren’t perfect, and neither was I, and that is what made this experience so beautiful. However, I don’t want to focus on the flaws, I want to highlight all of the wonderful things I learned from you in our time together.
I want to let you know just how good it felt to be loved by you.
In the mornings - particularly the slow, lazy ones after a late night out – you would roll over and grin. Gently, you’d use a finger to move a drastically misplaced chunk of hair from my face and you’d tell me how beautiful you thought I was. I knew for sure I looked like a rained-on newspaper, makeup smeared down my cheeks and bags under my eyes but, that was your favorite. There was never a time I did not feel like the prettiest girl in the world. You made me feel a confidence I don’t think I’ve experienced before.
You always knew how to make me laugh. I swear you tapped my brain and wired it so you knew to say the words in my mind right before the joke left my own lips. Any time I was sad, stressed, mad or tired, you boosted my mood. Aside from the millions of times I’ve already told you, your smile itself was enough to make me feel warm from head to toe, and I did my absolute best to make sure I saw that smile as often as possible.
It all felt so easy. I never questioned how I felt, how quickly I felt it and what it was that made me feel that way because that answer was easy too: you. I wanted to tell you everything about me and I was lucky enough to see so many of your sides also. It comforted me to be so equal with you, to feel so heard, to feel unendingly supported. An image often dances across my mind, one of us sitting on a park bench on a highway pull-off, staring at the city lights and lost in each other’s arms. Time did not matter, nor did the cold, because all that did matter was just being there. It felt like forever.
Talking was something we did best. Each of us, dedicated story-tellers, could fill hours of plain time with drama, romance, comedy and action. I never felt time was wasted and I meant it every time I said “no, I’m fine” when you’d apologize for not having something planned or when we would spend 2-hours longer in bed than expected.
Lastly, and most importantly, you dispelled some of my greatest fears. You gave me a strength that made me feel invincible and I didn’t understand where it came from. You allowed me to be unapologetically myself every moment of every day, and I was not afraid for you to see it. You stuck around through some hard times that I never thought we’d survive because most people wouldn’t have seen a worth in me that would convince them to stay.
But you did.
And wherever it is we end up now or however long it is until our paths cross again I just needed you to know one thing: you taught me that I can be loved.
So, for that I thank you,
Jules