I haven’t really written anything in the past year. That feels crazy to say.
I often tell people that writing is therapeutic. Really, the way I got into this hobby was by years and years of hearing from family members or therapists to journal everything. After avoiding it for plenty of time, I gave it a shot and it became my new addiction. I would save random streams of thoughts, populated with emotions and narratives in Word Documents that resided within their own unique folder on my desktop. Sometimes I wouldn’t re-open the documents for months at a time. In fact, I rarely re-opened these documents too soon after writing them. Their job was to be written, not read.
I’m explaining all of this to you not because you really care about how much I used to write, how much I do now or how much I plan to in the future, but because I really care about it. And, it’s pretty lame that I let go of something I know I care about so much. It has only led me to think…what else have I let slip away in the past year that I also care about?
Yes, we can get it out of the way now and say “this past year was unpredictable and hard on everyone”. That is correct. But is it an excuse? No.
I, like many other people, have spent an incredible amount of energy the past year working on myself. I’ve been rebuilding parts that started to fall apart and bolstering the ones that might have already been standing strong. But. in all of this time, amongst the amounts of turns throughout the maze, I realized a common thread: I’m not very nice to myself.
I think this is something I’ve known for a while, but I don’t think I ever really sat down to think about what it meant. If we don’t respect something, do we expect other people to respect it? If we don’t take care of something, do we expect other people to take care of it instead? If we don’t like something, then we sure don’t expect other people to like it. Do you see where I’m going here? I don’t think I ever sat down and took the time to realize that if I don’t like myself and if I am not nice to myself, other people might not see a reason to. If they do, I’m not going to expect it. I’m not going to expect people to give general courtesy, appreciation or engagement.
So, if I don’t expect any of that, then what do I expect?
My sister once told me something that now resonates in my head loudest on the days when I normally can’t hear over my own negative thoughts. She told me on a day similar to the one I just described. I was beating myself up and down, overflowing with guilt and woes and she asked me: “If your friend was going through this exact same thing right now, how would you treat them?”
And that’s something I want you to start asking yourself. If your friend were stressed, what would you say to them? Would you meet them with anger and guilt and disdain? Or, would you hold their hand, buy them a cookie and tell them positive thoughts? That is how ALL of us should treat ourselves as well. In fact, that’s exactly how I have started every new mental health journey, by becoming friends with myself.
Often times people say that although our pets may only be a part of our lives, that we are everything they have ever known (I promise this makes sense, keep reading). Your traumas are the same. No matter how little or small or healed your traumas may be, they are your whole life. They have shaped you. It is okay to let them have the weight that they deserve. You are not in someone else’s life. Where things might feel a little foreign for you is this acknowledgment of your own struggle. Acknowledgement that you deserve compassion and respect and patience. Acknowledgement that you’re not getting it.
Even further, just hear me out: it is okay to be nice to yourself.
You don’t need someone else to do it for you (although it sure does feel nice sometimes). So, get your butt up, turn off social media and listen to this random girl on the internet. Wash your face, make your favorite dinner, stretch in the morning, compliment yourself. Learning to support your well-being does not mean shutting out the world that you might think isn’t bending in the ways you will it to. You do not need to despise every person who does not give you the time of day when you want them to. You also do not need to waste time waiting for other people to make the moves you want them to. Trust me, I’ve been guilty of both quite a lot this past year.
Imagine how it would feel if you could tell yourself what you want to hear, change the things in your control, and then treat yourself to a nice donut. Imagine how it would feel if you could forgive yourself like you forgive a friend. Imagine how it would feel to be nice to yourself.
If that’s something you feel you’ve been slacking on too, then join the club. Let’s work on being friends with ourselves, together.